Sri Gurudev - Please Light Up My Heart

My heart & mind at the lotus feet of Chaitya Guru Sri Nityananda Prabhu and His representative and manifestation here Srila Gurudev!!

The moment I appeared into a mother’s womb I was in connection with you as soul and super soul. As super soul you guided me as one would a child helpless in its surroundings. You saved me from dying at birth. You taught me how to cry in order to ask my mother for milk when hungry or to smile to feel the loving connection with other souls. You gave me guidance every step of the way for every decision, right and wrong. You have saved me so many times throughout life and will continue to do so; from self-inflicted pain to natural calamities. Actually you have held my hand and been my best loving friend since time immemorial. Each and every life form that I took out of the 8,400,000 species of life, you were there for me. While still in the womb, in this human birth, I made many promises of engaging in your loving service if you would just get me out of the misery of being in the womb for nine months, claustrophobic and cramped for space. At that point, in the womb, I realized that you were my Supreme Sweet Lord, my only well wisher. But as soon I saw your glamorous illusory energy Maya, I forgot all my promises.

Now in my adult life you have captured me again, in a very sneaky way. In my miserable condition in life I prayed to your sweet form, Lord Shiva. Lord Shiva being Ashutosh, He who fulfills anyone’s wishes, immediately sent me to you, his very own Lord. Lord Shiva is always immersed in chanting the glories of You, Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare. From there I met your devotees who since guided me to Navadwip Dham, then to Vrindavan and then to Radha Kund. Many siksha gurus (spiritual teachers) appeared in my life, taught me many things, and have gently nudged me towards your lotus feet. I have tried to connect the dots and I see your hand in everything. I love that you intervened in my life and have changed its course. As I reached Radhakund, I met your manifestation in person, my dear Gurudev.

Sri Gurudev, many thousands of mouths cannot describe the glories of him. He is your form, as is, in front of us. We cannot understand this with our mundane senses. He has shown us the path to come directly to you through the chanting of the holy names. He sets an example himself and gives very simple and straightforward instructions. He also is like a sweet loving father holding my hand and taking me alongside. He is completely unattached to this material world, and yet so gentle and benevolent to all. He gives everyone the gift of the holy names as that’s the only way to attain your loving service. He shows by his own practice of devotional service what discipline is and how a disciple should behave.

I write today to express my gratitude in this journey called life. I have never really kept my promises, but still you forgive and forget. I will never understand how you, without cause, give the living entities so much love and shelter of your lotus feet. Everyone disregards you as they are being constantly crushed by your illusory energy. They pass by your temple never once noticing your sweet smile. No one has any time for you. No one asks you “How are you?”. Only by Sri Gurudev’s mercy now I am chanting with a little more attention. Now I can feel your presence somewhat in my sweet deities, but due to my ignorance it’s only very momentary. We pray daily with the mantra that says, Sri Guru, remove the darkness of ignorance from our hearts and light it instead with the lamp of knowledge.

om ajnana-timirandhasya
jnananjana-salakaya
caksur unmilitam yena
tasmai sri-gurave namah

I offer my respectful obeisances unto my spiritual master, who, with the torchlight of knowledge, has opened my eyes, which were blinded by the darkness of ignorance. (Gautamiya-Tantra)

I beg you today and everyday for your merciful glance upon this fallen soul. I have done nothing to deserve anything. I know nothing, yet I pretend to know everything. I am proud and ignorant. My false ego jumps to a defensive position when threatened in the material realm. Oh Lord, when will you remove all the attachments, remove all the ignorance in my heart which prevents me from seeing you clearly? When will you come sit, on a golden throne, within my heart forever? Oh Sri Nityananda Prabhu, when will I see you dancing and singing in sankirtan? When will you give me your Lord Gauranga? On our own efforts there has been no success to remove this darkness of ignorance. I cannot get past this bodily concept of life without your causeless mercy. The mind is actually the ocean of material existence and only your causeless mercy can get us across.

Please shine the lamp of knowledge on me and drag me from my hair, out of this darkness. Oh Sri Gurudev!! I am waiting for your causeless merciful glance.

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare

Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare